['So I could circle around to the topic endlessly, pointing out that yes, Aikawa is a loser, and even I have things going on outside of it, kind of. Not really things, but people at least. And that we've been over the part where it changes all the time, too. And the part where the jabbing feels like a prison shiv.
But let's just get to it. Is that what I want? Is that what I can be satisfied by? Put another way, is it okay to answer that "Haruhi is my closest buddy here" and forget about it forever? Because no matter how many times you answer some questions they seem to keep coming back, don't they? If it's a door whose latch is broken, no matter how many times you close it, it might sneak ajar again. So unless you just bust it open or you bar it closed, it'll keep causing trouble for you.
Once more. It's been a year. Enough for me to be totally comfortable here once again. And several for her. Enough for her to now look like she's "Haruhi (big)". (Except there was a "Haruhi (small)" already, wasn't there? As always, that just leaves Haruhi as Haruhi.) I didn't learn anything as quickly as things usually happen. Koizumi hasn't even been here to explain anything to me, except mentally, which is annoying enough, but I could use him here right now as the devil on my shoulder which tells me:
No, it's not enough. No, I'll even cause problems myself if it's just a matter of Haruhi being my friend. If Haruhi was just my friend, at home, anyway, it would be a lot easier to answer that question from the start. There's just no way to misconstrue that, even pissed off as I am. Or maybe especially as pissed off as I am.
Ah, but as for the angel on my shoulder, Asahina-san, what do you have to say?
"Kyon-kuuuuuun... We mustn't..."
Wait! Let's not get carried away! The question was--could even the most glowing angel flying in the firmament of heaven dissuade me from this path? And simply put, she never has, has she? With sad eyes, she urges me on, but that only serves to make me want to stay more. But even with that, I don't do it. I still can't explain it, but I just know that's not what the universe had had in store for us. Who's running that universe? I don't know anymore. It's obviously different now, but I haven't changed. Which happens too often. Next time, if you change the universe, just let me go with it...
But what do I do here? I can't stop playing the game, but is the game at a Bad End? Quit, reload, but doesn't matter what I do, the outcome is the same?
I guess I don't get it. I guess I still don't know for sure if it's true. It sure would be stupid to haul off over something that's not even happening, wouldn't it. Except it is happening.'
The anger mostly goes out of him, but not the seriousness.]
...No, that's not what it is. Not what I want or need.
It is nice, though. Thanks.
[Full of some false, burning buoyancy, he starts to turn around, back to the axes, intending to go cut down a tree after all.]
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But let's just get to it. Is that what I want? Is that what I can be satisfied by? Put another way, is it okay to answer that "Haruhi is my closest buddy here" and forget about it forever? Because no matter how many times you answer some questions they seem to keep coming back, don't they? If it's a door whose latch is broken, no matter how many times you close it, it might sneak ajar again. So unless you just bust it open or you bar it closed, it'll keep causing trouble for you.
Once more. It's been a year. Enough for me to be totally comfortable here once again. And several for her. Enough for her to now look like she's "Haruhi (big)". (Except there was a "Haruhi (small)" already, wasn't there? As always, that just leaves Haruhi as Haruhi.) I didn't learn anything as quickly as things usually happen. Koizumi hasn't even been here to explain anything to me, except mentally, which is annoying enough, but I could use him here right now as the devil on my shoulder which tells me:
No, it's not enough. No, I'll even cause problems myself if it's just a matter of Haruhi being my friend. If Haruhi was just my friend, at home, anyway, it would be a lot easier to answer that question from the start. There's just no way to misconstrue that, even pissed off as I am. Or maybe especially as pissed off as I am.
Ah, but as for the angel on my shoulder, Asahina-san, what do you have to say?
"Kyon-kuuuuuun... We mustn't..."
Wait! Let's not get carried away! The question was--could even the most glowing angel flying in the firmament of heaven dissuade me from this path? And simply put, she never has, has she? With sad eyes, she urges me on, but that only serves to make me want to stay more. But even with that, I don't do it. I still can't explain it, but I just know that's not what the universe had had in store for us. Who's running that universe? I don't know anymore. It's obviously different now, but I haven't changed. Which happens too often. Next time, if you change the universe, just let me go with it...
But what do I do here? I can't stop playing the game, but is the game at a Bad End? Quit, reload, but doesn't matter what I do, the outcome is the same?
I guess I don't get it. I guess I still don't know for sure if it's true. It sure would be stupid to haul off over something that's not even happening, wouldn't it. Except it is happening.'
The anger mostly goes out of him, but not the seriousness.]
...No, that's not what it is. Not what I want or need.
It is nice, though. Thanks.
[Full of some false, burning buoyancy, he starts to turn around, back to the axes, intending to go cut down a tree after all.]