godbent | Appointments Post ( II )

Entry tags:

*appointments

Appointments Post ( II )

This post here is for personal conversations which should happen but one or both of us doesn't want to put up a new post/log and thus we will just thread it out here. This can be used to thread with Haruhi anytime and anywhere. This can either be in person (with action), or via the journal's call feature (voice and/or written).

When replying to this post please mark in the subject line when and how it is taking place EX:
[Action, March 11th]
[Voice, September 8th]
Written, June 10th]

(Link to old one here)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The silence actually says a lot, unfortunately Keiichi's not capable of reading minds and he's an idiot so he's sure that he can't even guess what the reasons for the silence are. Maybe he hit a nerve, mentioning how one could return changed even with their memories intact... No, probably he has hit several nerves without realizing it and he hates that, it makes it impossible to make it up for her.]

Thanks... I-... Nevermind.

[He sighs, he's going to start rambling again and that's no good so he stops himself.]

A penny for your thoughts? Even if it's more about how stupid I am?

[Sigh] I don't want to be married.

Just to be clear, you mean here or in general? Because if I had to guess I would say in general, at least not until you are lot older.

Yeah, in general. I don't know... it's stupid, getting married, starting a family, all that stuff. It's like "I'm going to give up on ever making something of myself" - particularly for a girl. You're resigning yourself to making dinners and planting kisses on established holidays and all sorts of mundane, useless things. [She's speaking a bit more rapidly as she goes on] Once you're married, you have to be stuck in the status quo, you're expected to never do anything except be a wife and maybe a mother. you can't go on any big adventures or find mysterious things or anything like that. I mean who ever heard of a housewife or an officer worker finding Atlantis or even doing anything interesting with their lives?

But... but-- ... But everyone's in some big hurry to get there and it makes no sense.

You're right, it doesn't make sense. But then again, we're always in a big hurry to grow up, I remember when I was younger all the other kids just couldn't wait to be old enough to stay up until late. Or to drive. Or to not go to school everyday.

Though if you think about it... It's really stupid, wanting to grow up and be in a hurry about it. There's little in it that's really that good.

[It may sound hypocrite given that he has just got engaged but... He has reasons to be in a hurry about it, reasons that don't apply to life in general only to Luceti.]

If we weren't here I don't think I would have even considered dating a girl seriously as of yet.

Haaaah? Don't turn around and change your opinions on me, Keiichi! You're made of serious romance!

I'm not turning around. Just talking in general terms. Really, when I came here the idea of dating a girl was scary to me actually.

... I hurt Mion several times because of that. And Shion. And Rena. I remember it, not the details but I know it was because I didn't dare to look at them as more than friends. Because I didn't want to take that step.

[He sighs.]

And if Ange wasn't Ange, I probably wouldn't have rushed even here either. But with her, even if this place wasn't as it is, I can't allow myself to not go all out.

Anyway! Just because I'm doing something and not backing down it doesn't mean I can't see the bad points it has or why it would be a bad idea.

[God she feels exposed. She feels... not lonely, but lost. "ff Ange wasn't Ange." and he's admitting his rushing. She feels a lump rising in her throat which is totally (or at least mostly) independent of Minato. It harks back to Winry and it harks back to that original year and a half with Kyon.]

Dating people isn't scary. It's stupid and simple.

[A beat]

...I'm sick of love.

Well, to me it felt scary. Because a girlfriend isn't the same as a friend. And if it doesn't work out going back to be friends is hard and painful. I had just made my first friends in my whole life and I didn't want to lose that just for a what if about love.

[He still wouldn't do it if it wasn't for Ange. In fact, it's really no different from how it was with Haruhi. Haruhi had once claimed he was in love with her, he had denied it and right now he has no idea if he was or not. But he knows that when the comment was made, be it a joke or not, it scared him because Haruhi was a friend and he didn't want to go there. He didn't dare to walk that path.

But Ange was different. She had been different from the start and even then he had spent months denying it. Refusing to even start moving, praying that someone else would do it, praying that she would one day say that she had a boyfriend even if it would tear his heart out because he was scared of doing it himself. And then a stupid experiment made him do it and after that he realized that he couldn't stop, that if he didn't do it no one would. He really can't afford not to go all out or not to rush when it's about Ange.

He knows he's making a big bet. He knows he's risking a lot and that if it crashes and falls down it's going to be a hell for both or for just one of them. But he has to, because if he doesn't dive to the deepest and darkest part, there's no way he's going to reach Ange and help her back up, out of the sea and darkness that was swallowing her. That will keep swallowing her back home.

He sighs again as he heard the last part.]

I'm not surprised you are.

[Not just for her character but her romantic life, as far as he knows, hasn't made up a great case for her to not be sick of love and troubled either. it's really not a surprise.]

[Hard and painful, huh?

...Screw that. Screw this. Screw Kyon. Screw hoe distant she can be from Winry sometimes. She tuts at the book and then just isn't sure how to respond again for a moment, glaring up at the ceiling. And then, finally, she just sighs.

Keiichi's engaged, huh?]

[He says nothing, letting her have a moment of silence. He can hear the sigh, so he knows the communication hasn't been cut yet. He waits, patiently, for her to say something else or close the book.]

[What more is there to say?

...Well, plenty, honestly. About if he still has time or inclination of the Brigade. How weird the idea of him being 'married' is to her. What this means for her and Minato, what this means for her and Kyon, what this means for her and Winry. Really, there's a lot of frustrated comments she could make, but in the moment all of them are dying in her throat. It's stupid. It's really, truly, completely stupid. And in this moment, she is really mad at Keiichi for doing this to her. And for telling him to congratulate him despite that.

Maybe she's a bad friend for feeling this way. This feeling sucks.

She flops sideways onto the couch, staring at the book, willing herself to come up with someone else - anything else, really - to say, but nothing comes to her. So she just reaches over to shut it]

[She's not a bad friend, she can't be one. Keiichi knows he's at fault here, but he isn't going to back down or change it for her. He's actually sorry for that.

He expected more yelling, more anger, but when the journal is shut he figures that she's just too angry or tired to do it. So he just sighs and closes his own journal, all things considered, he thinks it could have gone worse.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Appointments Post ( II )

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]

[Voice, December 27th]