37th: The Losses of Haruhi Suzumiya

[godbent]

[Voice]

For everyone who knew the idol and the Deputy-Vice Chief of the Brigade, Azusa Miura, I can say confidently that she'd been sent home. I didn't check her apartment yet, but there's a lot of stuff in her Brigade locker here at the HQ. The typical letters Jeez, when did she write all these... for a few people are here for one. [For the people listed here. She expects those who know her to ask or just stop by] You can stop by to pick them up. She's left some other things too, but those are mostly Brigade property.

[And she flips through the items some more before... you know there's no "FOR X" on here, but there are some bookmarks in some of them which say her name on them so.]

...Except these things. Buffy, are you a woman yet? [She doesn't get a filter. The next guy does]

[Filtered to Sanji // 85% Unhackable]

I've got something in particular for you.

[Action]

[So for the last few days, Haruhi was Shiki. That... Was weird. She has decided to make herself as Haruhi as possible. So she's actually going to ignore that aside from maybe her housemates and Minato and sit inside the Brigade HQ all day at the front desk. That event had to be traumatizing for some people, maybe they'll get some clients looking for counseling! ...Finally!

The spelunking trip is in a few days anyway so.

Come on in, step in! Be therapy'd! PS: Brigade To Do List]

Comments

[menial]

Well, yeah, but then you do have to answer awkward questions. Or deal with, I don't know, propositions.

['Look, I'm basing this on my experience as "Kyonko".']

[herotypical]

Oh! God! No one...propositioned me. Ever. Th--

Oh, jeez. Do you think someone propositioned him? Him as me?

[ HORROR. ]

[menial]

... Well, I think that might be a little more likely. ['Who would proposition someone they thought was a guy named "Spike" anyway...?




Uh, except you Buffy.']

Don't worry. Happened to me. I survived.

[herotypical]

[ she's creeped out and flattered at the same time.

so? par for the course. ]

Besides! It's not like he'd ever...

[menial]

.................................



['Wouldn't he, Buffy? Wouldn't he?']

[herotypical]

He knows better than that. [ he has a soul. a soul he got for her. because he... ] Besides -- it's not like I get all that many propositions normally, y'know.

He probably never had the chance.

1/2

[menial]

Iii think that maybe someone else in --

[menial]

-- ['...your body might get more propositions"?!

Was I really about to say that?! Idiot!']

... I mean, it's just...

Well, if you're sure, it doesn't matter.

[herotypical]

Exactly! Because we had rules. And I followed mine. Me? I even -- well...

There was blood-drinking. I'm not proud of it.

[menial]

W-Well, you did what you had to do, right? As long as it was all voluntary and whatnot, no problem.

[godbent]

Speaking of that, aren't you two chummy?

[menial]

['Suzumiya-size me!']

.... How is that "speaking of that", Haruhi?

[herotypical]

Pig's blood, Ky--

[ haruhi. ]

Oh. Fudge. Make that twenty-seven minutes, Haruhi. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

[ and off the slayer disappears. to, y'know, get dressed. do her hair. possibly still eavesdrop. ]

[godbent]

Alright, I'll be timing you now though!

[menial]

... Are you planning on administering a penalty if she's late, Haruhi? Somehow I don't think B--['Eh. She's going to get weird about the first-name thing again... But I already said too much.

Oh well.']--Summers is going to pay.

[godbent]

Oh, don't worry, Kyon. If she's late, I'm sure I'll make Buffy pay quite dearly.

[menial]

['Sigh.']

How, exactly? Bearing in mind she could probably beat us all up with, I don't know, one leg tied above her head.

[godbent]

If she's barbaric enough to beat up a civilian then I'll call Adell on her and have her turned into a still living pile of body parts!

[menial]

['In what respect are you a "civilian", Haruhi? Not in the sense of not committing violations of the Geneva Convention...']

...

That's what we call the punishment fitting the crime.

[godbent]

Of course! But she won't, and I won't! If she's late, then I'll just force a punishment on her and that's that! Failure to adhere to it means I'll get Willow or her crypt keeper boyfriend or one of those naval guys to help me out! Captain Hornblower's from the 19th century, he's probably all over people paying back their debts.

[menial]

... So we're going back to the 19th century for this one, huh? Are you going to throw her in prison?

And how is Sparrow a "crypt keeper"?

[godbent]

Because he's at least four-four years old, Kyon. Isn't that obvious?

[menial]

And after you reach that age, you either go into mandatory retirement or start guarding graves?

[godbent]

Kyon, Buffy Summers is twenty-six at very most. Do the math.

[menial]

She told me she was twenty-seven.

['Okay, "almost-twenty-seven." Whatever.']

Anyway, it's not exactly a cradle, is it? I mean, I'd find it weirder if it was like he was twenty-one and she was sixteen.