godbent | 25th: The Defense of Haruhi Suzumiya

[Voice]

Okay, so listen up, everyone. There's a new girl in town who I want you all to recognize and keep something in mind when dealing with her!

[And then to the book, she holds up a picture of Mikuru (

tpdd). Taken with the journal and ripped out - namely, it's just her making tea in a cute pink yukata. Something simple and non-invasive for the time being]

This is her - Mikuru Asahina. She's cute, right? Of course she is!

[And then this face]

If any of you guys are harassing her or hitting on her or whatever and I hear about it I'm reserving the right to pepper stray or taser you. You got that? I'm serious too, don't you doubt that for a second.

[...Okay no with that done with back to smiling! She laughs where briefly before-]

Now! If you want to see her or you just want to helped out - particularly all you New Feathers, bonus points if you have something interesting to show us - recall that the SOS-Brigade is open to taking requests even now. Now that the holidays are over and the winters settling in on us, now's the prime time to do it! Got some stuff which needs investigating? Some emotions you can't deal with, some other inane task we can mend when it comes to interpersonal issues?! Sign right up! the HQ's right in the center of town, you can't miss it.

[... Hm. Yeah that should do it Request post for the Brigade is here, just recall!]

-And for today anyone coming to see Mikuru I'm screening first.

[EDIT: For the record if anyone wants action threads with Mikuru (or Haruhi! or both!) for whatever reason both are at the HQ right now.]

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Well, I guess in a way she looks sort of cute, but plenty of girls here do and I'm sure they don't constantly have guys hitting on them.

Look, just because you don't doesn't meant others don't.

Hey, I wasn't making this about me.

Well yeah, it isn't.

Regardless, have you heard of that many cases of cute girls constantly being harassed and hit on here?

I know of at least a few serial harassers. Like that one blonde loser, Masaomi Kida.

Never heard of him. But if they're serial offenders, why not just lock them up? [ not meant seriously, of course. ]

That's not a bad idea, but it might not work effectively from a moral standpoint.

[ did she seriously consider that.. ]

Ah, what a bummer. Guess we'll just have to blow the whole plan off then. Maybe your taser plan is better from a moral standpoint after all.

Obviously. It's reactionary, so it's purely defensive.

.... Well, at least it should be enough to keep most guys away from her. Except for masochists.

...You're right, I didn't consider that sort of pervert.

They would come and hit on her just for the punishment, so that'd only make it worse.

True... I guess I could just bury them or something...

... Wait, bury them alive?

"If the cuckoo doesn't cluck, kill it," right? In this case, it's a case of having a proper and improper libido.

Sentencing them to death or near-death might be going too far though. That sort of thing'd be illegal in a lot of countries, pevert or no pervert.

Probably not in Yemen.

Oh, right, guess I completely forgot how the state of Luceti is part of Yemen.

Fine, then what's your inspired long term security solution?

I guess the diplomatic answer would be 'rehabilitation' but perverts will always be perverts, no matter what.

Think harder - for fair play, this is your second test, and you get thirty more seconds.

How is this a test, it doesn't even have to do anything with--

[ she cuts herself off, letting out a drawn-out sigh instead. ]

You could give them a punishment that isn't enjoyable even for masochists, like doing chores.

Go on. Ten more seconds.

What is there to go on about? Just make them shovel snow or clean the floor whenever they hit on her.

[ voice ]

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