godbent | 3rd: The Compromise of Haruhi Suzumiya

3rd: The Compromise of Haruhi Suzumiya

[Voice]

[For the record, this post takes place in the later evening, following this thread by about an hour or two.

So, earlier, Haruhi got some disturbing news. Or well, she's been getting all sorts of disturbing news for the last two weeks, particularly the second week. It's been two weeks since she returned to Luceti. Here she was gone two months, back home a month had past. And before either of those, she had been in Luceti for two and a half years.

Al was gone. All sorts of people were gone, and even if the individual losses still hurt sometimes, overall, if she had to vocalize it, bar certain painful ones (like Usagi, like Rena, the idea of losing Winry or Shiki or ... others) she had gotten used to the idea that people would sometimes just vanish. She had - before she went home herself - always just told herself that when people returned, not remembering. Those instances where worse, those instances were always worse.

But that wasn't the case right now - or maybe... that was the case to other people. It had gotten hard, particularly in light of what Keiichi showed her after that ~~as yet unthreaded~~ dinner and the letter currently clasped in her hands, to deny the worth of a certain individual she had wanted to deny the meaning of all this time, who she wanted to think was some phantom in everyone else's memories. But... that's irresponsible. It was hurting other people, hurting her, hurting... friends. The Brigade. Winry. Everyone. She couldn't change that, but . . . But she had to do something.]

[From a hiding place (a not particularly good one per say, but a hiding place of the spare room on the second floor of her her house) she begins what she knows will be hard for her to say. She sounds in no way comfortable as she starts with-]

Hey, Luce- [no that's stupid-] everyone I know. Or... yeah, everyone I know, or other people, I don't care! [That got harsh. She's awkward here] Look-! ...Look. Anyone that knew that guy, Haruki Suzumiya that wasn- ... The was... [UGH. The letter in her hand crumples a bit as she pushes it together, awkward] ...Whatever, forget it! Jeez, damn Malnosso. It's not important!

[ ... ... A minute later]

...No. It is important, after all. Look- that guy, I have his- no, I have my own memories, which are basically his except I'm in them and none of you remember it like that. [Dammit dammit she sounds like she's repeating a point. Things she's already said. Dammit. There's a growl of frustration before she slips up out of her chair to pace, leaving the journal on the table but still talking loud enough to be recorded] I have memories, alright?! So I know some of you- a lot of you, I guess. But- [...] But I guess, you guys don't know me. You-

[ARGH. she looks again at the letter and then crumbles it into a ball. She throws it at the floor and then presses on, stopping in place and yelling now]

Some of you liked that guy, right?! Some of you were friends and some of you lo- [gulp-] loved that guy, right?! I'm not that guy- it's been two weeks since I showed too, so unless he Malnosso are bigger assholes than anyone thought I'm not going to be that guy either. [But if she is, if she 'reverts back' next week or tomorrow, this post is meaningless. ...Maybe it still is. But it feels like her heart is breaking and she needs to do something. Even as she stays all this, she feels no catharsis though, only her hollow dread turning into a real fear - a fear, what? Rejection? Probably, but fear of something tangible is better than something she doesn't even know the face]

So- ... So fine, that's that! We're different, alright?! And I was expecting you to forget but- fine! Don't forget him, it doesn't matter! [...UGH. Dammit, she's losing the point again. She crouches, picking up the crumbled ball of the letter]

...I know things can't be the same as I remember them, but I guess things also won't be the same as you remember. I want to just pick up where I left off but that's- [...dammit] That's not completely possible, is it? It's not like I'm a time traveler and can go back and change things and- [...she could change it to everyone remembering her. But that's not fair, even if she did know how to manage it. And last time. She mutters-] ...And Leon would screw it up again

[That might not have even been recorded, but she stands after this, her voice gaining resolve.]

So what I'm saying is that... I'm Haruhi. I'm the Chief of the SOS-Brigade, and- and if you knew that Haruki guy we can start over, starting now! And if you didn't know that guy, then it doesn't matter because I'm me and whatever he said or did doesn't matter to you anyway! ["judge me only as me"]

So, hi everyone, it's nice to meet you! [Should she add "I hope you'll look after me?" ...No, that's just stupid. She should leave it at that.]

[...Should.

She sits down for replies after this, because there's sure to be some. She waits for maybe three minutes before finally concluding that she owes someone else something special. Winry will have heard of it or at least be hearing his opinion on it anyway. Might as well- Well.]

[Filtered to Sokka // 85% Unhackable]

...Hey, I- [...She's not sorry- or is she? No. Yes. No. Mostly no.] I've decided to forgive you for what you said the other day! ...You don't even need to apologize, because- [...] Because starting over, like I said here! So- [...Jeez] ...So just forget about what I did too, alright? I guess it was too much and- It's behind us, got it?!

[... ... ... Yeah that counts as "I'm sorry"]

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[Frankly, her 'apology' didn't mean much to Sokka. Taken at face value, it was just trying to take what they used to have - or at least what he had with Haruki - back to what it used to be, while shifting the blame on Sokka for not just the fight... but other things as well. And while he did realize he was being a real jerk to her, he hadn't felt particularly guilty about that. At least not initially. Having the negativity drained from him had put some things in perspective. So all in all, he would be tempted to just ignore that. After all, masculine pride is a tricky thing.

Except he listened to everything beforehand. That's less the emotionally confused Haruki he usually knows. This is someone who's struggling with figuring out who they even are, tired of being compared to someone else everyone already knows, and just trying to fit in. Now that's something he can understand. And it's not just because his other incarnations in Luceti have felt the same thing thing. It's more that it's a picture of Sokka's life. Words cannot describe how much he resents the idea he's relating to a Suzumiya.

Ugh, he's going to have to do it. Just suck it up and... treat Haruhi like a new person. Or maybe he could try to treat her like she remembers their relationship being like. With a frustrated groan, he opens his journal back up and pens in a better filter to respond with.]

Yeah, we're good.

[Well, that wasn't so hard.]

Edited 2011-01-18 08:05 (UTC)

[Really, she expected more resistance. Even the Sokka she remembers was never on great terms with her. Never anyone she thought of as a friend or particularly close. Just someone... that proximity had forced her to know. Objectively, she understands Sokka's predicament, or at least she thinks she does. She's been so judgmental of that 'Kyonko' or that 'Yuuki' or that little clone of Mikuru who was a boy. Just... for not being who she expected.

Wasn't he the same in this instance? And she had overreacted. Or, put more simply, she didn't know how to react, and thus invented some new, inevitably negative reaction]

...Good.

[...She should say more, shouldn't she? ...She should- ... But nothing comes. Well, maybe he will. ...Maybe not. She has to-] ...That's good.

[...Ugh.]

[Haruhi after two weeks. This means Katara's right, of course. This doesn't bother him that much. But he did expect Haruki to be back by now. And even though it could still happen, he kinda has this feeling it won't. Which means he needs to tackle this in a new way. Just... no idea how that actually works.]

Yeah... [Er. Now what?] I guess this is you now. So... how exactly do you, I guess, remember us? I mean, not us like that. But.. it had to be different than how I remember it. [Because Sokka knows full and well he acts differently with the ladies. It's hard to fathom how different things would be as a result.]

[...she's tempted to reply. How different was his perspective? He has been less kind to her, perhaps, less biased because of her gender, maybe? Certainly his reaction to her and Winry would be different. But-] ...That doesn't matter.

[It does, but at the same time, she sighs. There the sound of her shifting that piece of paper in her hand]

The way I remember things isn't the way you remember things, and even if I told you that would at best bias you to act a certain way, but it wouldn't be- [How he feels? Does she care about that? Not really. ...]

Well it wouldn't be good for anyone, right? Just form your own opinion now.

[Well, that's a fair enough answer. He probably WOULD inevitably try to fit into whatever role he had in 'her' reality. Because he certainly doesn't expect her to conform to being like Haruki.]

So, what, we just start over? Clean slate?

[PHEW. Okay, he's going with this. She rolls her eyes and lets out an audible sigh of something between relief and... frustration? Not quite it, but close enough.]

Yeah, clean slate. I dunno the right way to expect things out of you and you don't know the right way to expect things out of me.

[But even as she says this, she's aware in the back of her mind she's a hypocrite. She still expects the Brigade to follow her and still wants to be with Winry. Not that she's about to say that]

[Really, this isn't that hard to swallow. It's like with Vyse. It's a new person - not exactly friend - who knows about him but he doesn't know about her. She has the advantage here. But really, it's not like this is Winry coming back as a guy. This is just Haruki... as a girl. So dealing with it? Not so hard.]

Okay, fine. But can we skip reintroducing ourselves? Even under this filter, it's still really tacky.

Duh, that's just stupid.

[Ignore that she did it above]

[It will occur to him lately, but not for the moment.]

So uh, Haruhi. [The name is still kind of weird, but he's dealing with it.] What made you decide to do... uh, you know, talking to me? I mean, we weren't exactly best friends or anything. [Frankly Sokka had written you off as being no big loss.]

[She could be honest?] No reason, I just felt like it.

[...Or not]

[...Buuut then she realizes Sokka might misunderstand that. So after a distinct pause, she sighs once more and-]

...You're one of Winry's best friends. With things so weird between us anyway I don't want us to be on ends over something stupid.

[... so, it was for Winry's sake. Well, he can understand that. He's already talked to Winry about all this ~~maybe~~, but it couldn't hurt to get Haruhi's take on that.]

Fair enough. So... how are things with you and Winry?

[She could lash out at Sokka - really, she wants to - but that's just going to repeat the same problem they had before, and that'll just repeat the cycle. Instead, there's the sound of her walking a littie to sit down before she responds. She slides the journal close to her and considers. How to... put it.]

You probably know better than me, right?

[He's probably talked with her about it. That's a neutral tone, she doesn't exactly blame Winry for it.]

Her memories- [That's shifting blame. Pause, gulp] No, that's not it. She just fell for someone else, and even if I'm sort of that person, it's up for her to decide if that's good enough or not.

Edited 2011-01-18 18:04 (UTC)

[Much as he hates to admit it, he has some experience with this. Of course, it was an experiment, and 'he' even know it at the time. But it was still a lot to think of.]

Yeah, that's... that's rough.

Shut up! ["I don't want sympathy"

No that's just a gut reaction. Frankly, she just didn't know how to react]

...Yeah, whatever. [UGH. Honesty is hard]

[Why is he even trying so hard? They're not going to be friends. They're on good terms. That's good enough. No need to ask her about her feelings.]

Well anyway, if you need me for anything, you know where to find me.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Alternatively at the smithy or that house of yours out in the way south end of the village.

And you're either at the Brigade or your house in the not-so-way west side of the village.

... or school.

[-"I go to more places than that, you know!" but then it dies in her throat and she makes a sound of confirmation]

Yeah, any of those work if you need me for something, I gues.

Okay, good.

[Alright, they're good. ...And that was draining. With nothing more to say, she just opts to let the conversion die. She doesn't even think to say anything like "later" though]

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