godbent | 3rd: The Compromise of Haruhi Suzumiya

3rd: The Compromise of Haruhi Suzumiya

[Voice]

[For the record, this post takes place in the later evening, following this thread by about an hour or two.

So, earlier, Haruhi got some disturbing news. Or well, she's been getting all sorts of disturbing news for the last two weeks, particularly the second week. It's been two weeks since she returned to Luceti. Here she was gone two months, back home a month had past. And before either of those, she had been in Luceti for two and a half years.

Al was gone. All sorts of people were gone, and even if the individual losses still hurt sometimes, overall, if she had to vocalize it, bar certain painful ones (like Usagi, like Rena, the idea of losing Winry or Shiki or ... others) she had gotten used to the idea that people would sometimes just vanish. She had - before she went home herself - always just told herself that when people returned, not remembering. Those instances where worse, those instances were always worse.

But that wasn't the case right now - or maybe... that was the case to other people. It had gotten hard, particularly in light of what Keiichi showed her after that ~~as yet unthreaded~~ dinner and the letter currently clasped in her hands, to deny the worth of a certain individual she had wanted to deny the meaning of all this time, who she wanted to think was some phantom in everyone else's memories. But... that's irresponsible. It was hurting other people, hurting her, hurting... friends. The Brigade. Winry. Everyone. She couldn't change that, but . . . But she had to do something.]

[From a hiding place (a not particularly good one per say, but a hiding place of the spare room on the second floor of her her house) she begins what she knows will be hard for her to say. She sounds in no way comfortable as she starts with-]

Hey, Luce- [no that's stupid-] everyone I know. Or... yeah, everyone I know, or other people, I don't care! [That got harsh. She's awkward here] Look-! ...Look. Anyone that knew that guy, Haruki Suzumiya that wasn- ... The was... [UGH. The letter in her hand crumples a bit as she pushes it together, awkward] ...Whatever, forget it! Jeez, damn Malnosso. It's not important!

[ ... ... A minute later]

...No. It is important, after all. Look- that guy, I have his- no, I have my own memories, which are basically his except I'm in them and none of you remember it like that. [Dammit dammit she sounds like she's repeating a point. Things she's already said. Dammit. There's a growl of frustration before she slips up out of her chair to pace, leaving the journal on the table but still talking loud enough to be recorded] I have memories, alright?! So I know some of you- a lot of you, I guess. But- [...] But I guess, you guys don't know me. You-

[ARGH. she looks again at the letter and then crumbles it into a ball. She throws it at the floor and then presses on, stopping in place and yelling now]

Some of you liked that guy, right?! Some of you were friends and some of you lo- [gulp-] loved that guy, right?! I'm not that guy- it's been two weeks since I showed too, so unless he Malnosso are bigger assholes than anyone thought I'm not going to be that guy either. [But if she is, if she 'reverts back' next week or tomorrow, this post is meaningless. ...Maybe it still is. But it feels like her heart is breaking and she needs to do something. Even as she stays all this, she feels no catharsis though, only her hollow dread turning into a real fear - a fear, what? Rejection? Probably, but fear of something tangible is better than something she doesn't even know the face]

So- ... So fine, that's that! We're different, alright?! And I was expecting you to forget but- fine! Don't forget him, it doesn't matter! [...UGH. Dammit, she's losing the point again. She crouches, picking up the crumbled ball of the letter]

...I know things can't be the same as I remember them, but I guess things also won't be the same as you remember. I want to just pick up where I left off but that's- [...dammit] That's not completely possible, is it? It's not like I'm a time traveler and can go back and change things and- [...she could change it to everyone remembering her. But that's not fair, even if she did know how to manage it. And last time. She mutters-] ...And Leon would screw it up again

[That might not have even been recorded, but she stands after this, her voice gaining resolve.]

So what I'm saying is that... I'm Haruhi. I'm the Chief of the SOS-Brigade, and- and if you knew that Haruki guy we can start over, starting now! And if you didn't know that guy, then it doesn't matter because I'm me and whatever he said or did doesn't matter to you anyway! ["judge me only as me"]

So, hi everyone, it's nice to meet you! [Should she add "I hope you'll look after me?" ...No, that's just stupid. She should leave it at that.]

[...Should.

She sits down for replies after this, because there's sure to be some. She waits for maybe three minutes before finally concluding that she owes someone else something special. Winry will have heard of it or at least be hearing his opinion on it anyway. Might as well- Well.]

[Filtered to Sokka // 85% Unhackable]

...Hey, I- [...She's not sorry- or is she? No. Yes. No. Mostly no.] I've decided to forgive you for what you said the other day! ...You don't even need to apologize, because- [...] Because starting over, like I said here! So- [...Jeez] ...So just forget about what I did too, alright? I guess it was too much and- It's behind us, got it?!

[... ... ... Yeah that counts as "I'm sorry"]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's a slider- ...Or I am, whatever. The point is that it's an alternate reality. You have some knowledge of that or not?

Yeah. Recent knowledge.

..."alternate" is a funny word to use, ehh? It seems to imply that one is more real or original than the others... [and at this point, that's an idea he's pretty much stopped thinking in terms of-- at all.]

Parallel? Whatever, from the perspective of one person they will always be more real than any other version of themselves even if they meet over a thousand of them. It doesn't make the others less real to anyone else, it just means... [That you need to accept it that way to survive? But no way is she going to say that]

... that they aren't met to meet. [he finishes with his own thoughts of the moment. Though it isn't such a bad thing-- when it's like

anyway. A shrug.] It just is the way it is. [another pause, before adding] I think most people have learned that-- if not by their own experience, then from someone close to them.

--I doubt anyone will mean to give you a hard time.

Duh. Anyone who means to I'll put in the ground.

[...]

Anyway, him and I did meet. [And it was the most unsettling thing in her life. But thinking back... well] Which I guess means he met some version of me instead, logically. [Huh... She's not even saying this to Ginko, just thinking it out herself. There's a shuffling, she's adjusting her position in her chair.]

[shit, he was just being metaphorical. This-- is different than the scenario he was considering]

...I guess the fact that you could both exist in the same space, at the same time says something.

No duh. There's probably well over four thousand "Earths," some of them might as well have almost identical situations.

........

[... it's that "no duh" that does it.]

Can I ask you a question?

[there's a new one.]

[No. She really wants to say that but-]

...If you want.

On nearly every strange subject I can think of -- you speak like you know all about it already.

Is the Japan you know really that full of strange things?-- or do you just spend that much time thinking about parallel universes and visitors from other worlds?

I've been in Luceti two and a half years, you know. [ . . . ]

But no, the Earth I'm from is boring. There's no aliens, time travels, sliders, not even an esper. [She sighs. Well, none she knew of. But she's not getting into it] Just people going about their daily lives without any sort of massive organization doing this and that or super heroes saving the day. I looked as hard as I could, but I couldn't find anything. Don't you think that sort of world is just... boring?

Sounds like my world. [Ehh. Well...] Although I suppose my line of work would be considered paranormal, by most.

But to be honest-- most people live without any knowledge of that world at all. And go on with their day to day live-- fishing or farming. Crafting things. Raising children. [a half smile] I think even if I didn't do the work I do-- I'd find that pretty interesting. [Human beings are interesting.]

Good for you. You can only think that because you already are something special, right? It's a lingering bias - you, with the abnormal life, look at a normal one and go "oh, I could have fun doing that too." And maybe you could, because you got tired of that special life. But to someone who has only known the mundane thing, doing day in and day out all sorts of things that everyone has done before, what sort of meaning can they find in it? It's just the same old thing.

[...]

Don't you think a world like that, without fantastic possibilities, is just too sad?

[ ....."only think that because"

heh.]

[Angst is too foreign to be relevant, and he's too old to take offense to your bold conjecturing.

So instead, Ginko briefly considers-- whether there's any truth to this. There'd be a sense of loss-- well. Being here, he'd already felt that sense of loss. In fact-]

Bias, eh? [he leans on one hand, heavily I don't know. I think I've had at least a taste of the mundane, at this point. [but he doesn't really care whether she understands that or not. Too close, a thing.]

I think it would be "too sad"-- not to find meaning in that kind of life. A life surrounded by other people.

Sort of depends on where you find "fantastic". [Ahh. But (as far as he knows) you're young. And he smirks a little at the thought of trying to convince you that the fact that a seed sprouts into a myriad of possible life forms is fantastic.]

Sounds like you have pretty high expectations of reality. What about people who find all the things you mentioned just as mundane as changing seasons?

-- isn't it more a decision?

[...This guy is so calm it's bugging her. But far from getting angry, she just puts out in a cool tone:] If they want to be sheep that's their problem.

[A beat, and then]

There's seven billion people on Earth, you know? In all that, someone has to be doing something unique and interesting and special.

[-- it's a permanent fixture. The faint smirk is back]

I'm sure you're right. Even if you don't think getting food to grow from rocky ground, or knowing how to mend bones or carve stone is interesting.

[a pause] So what is interesting, by your definition? What you mean by it would have to change, from place to place.... like here.

Of course it would- and it's not like that isn't important. If no one farmed no one could eat and doctors are necessary everywhere it's just... there's got to be hundreds, thousands, millions of people doing just that. In light of that... it's just basically having the same thing happen to you that happens to everyone else.

[Her voice is subdued, distant by now]

...Interesting? Unique, I guess. [...] And maybe it does change. After all, everyone can use magic here, so it's not like that is something spectacular, even if it's foreign to Earth.

[You know, the thing he wanted to know most was whether you were a brat who was dissatisfied with things without really seeing them-- or just questing after something different. And probably still a brat; but big difference.]

... so what do you think special is, here?

...Nosy, aren't you?

[She pauses to think about this. Given what a mess her emotions are here, any less heartfelt things she could say just seem... pointless. Because what isn't here? ~~for the record Ginko, the latter is closer. Given her something she hasn't done and she'll try it. ...Sort of~~ ...She starts to hum and the silence lasts quite a while]

[Incidentally, she's humming - well it begins with Eye of the Tiger but somewhere between it, the song mutates and becomes the beat to this. Finally, grudgingly-]

I don't know.

Heh, old habits...

[And he favors the latter guess, himself; "important" is a key word.]

[he listens, partly amused and partly intrigued-- until the answer.

It's a pretty good answer.]

Well. You have the time to find out.
-- I guess that's as good a reason and any to have a Brigade.

3rd: The Compromise of Haruhi Suzumiya

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